Thursday 18 June 2015: I cannot use the excuse that I am out-to-sea, as happens from time to time in my position and stage in life. No… this time I am deeply involved in serious research as to why the commercial aspects of personal water craft racing are not what most of us want ‘em to be. So, like my ol’ time friend and ‘factory-rider’ Diogenes da Cynic, I went in search of a few honest and conversant industry representatives… I found ‘em, or at best the least self-serving of ‘em, and they are talking like my ol’ Myna Bird, and the startling truth is about to emerge. And you can be damn well assured a complete and detailed report will be made available to the faithful. But now, and mostly due to the outrage caused by last month’s column, I must digress, as usual, and answer the burning question “Who da Hell is Capt. MiddleFinger Needlemyr…?”

As most of you know I am confined to a, constantly re-positioning, wooden ship for the aged, incorrigible and mentally deficient somewhere in da Caribbean. This is a National Security issue and best for my safety as well as yours. As to my curriculum vitae, it is best described as motorsports and oceansports in the Mechanical Age, ie; post-Jurassic but pre-Digital. Although aware of the InterWeb I know very little about Face Book, E-Commerce or Websites and frankly could not care less. As for Twitter and da ‘Twitterverse’ da ol’ Captain has suffered endless slings ‘n arrows. One ‘Tweethole’ in particular (we know who it is) went so far as to describe me as being immature, narcissistic, stupid, a rake, a womanizer, a bad guy, and a pirate n’ horse thief all in less than 140 characters. But you know what? I’m adopting the Popeye Defense and I am what I am. People have given me reams of shit and lecture me that I should just be happy being on da ship and to shut up. They don’t know me; some of this stuff just falls out of my head and I can’t control it. But I get called out for it just the same. And, da other stuff, well, what can I say? I love Patron n’ Grey Goose, light sport aircraft, fast cars, fast boats and racing. I love EDM, country music n’ jazz. I love football and soccer. And, as to being a womanizer? Yes, I love women, especially ‘euro-type’ women and fiery Cajun women. Always have. Always will too. I love the way they look, the way they move, the way they talk, and the way they smell. I love their tantrums ‘n tears, I love the fact that they’re different from men and it damn well needs to stay that way. I love getting lost in ‘em, too, every damn inch of ‘em. Now, as for entanglements; ya, far more than I’ll ever admit but just one that was near magic and that is not on da best footing. Ya, my fault… Oh, one more thing, and it’s my attitude. This whole country, yes this country, is going to Hell in a handbasket because of the present day liberal lack-of-leadership-psycho-babble bullshit that’s infected damn near every facet of our lives including da racin’ society. No accountability. No one’s fault. Throttle ‘em back. Level da playing field. Everyone gets a trophy. I say bullshit to all that. Let’s get back to real living / ‘real-racin’ none of this ‘restricted-power’, ‘by-wire’ and or ‘politically-correct crap. I take full responsibility for who I am. Hopefully this answers the question; Who da Hell is Capt. MiddleFinger Needlemyr…?